I just had brunch with her today, and we had such a great time. I just found out she even had a blog, and took a minute to check it out. She wrote two posts about me already! I'm going to repost them on Pineapple Soju, then I'll write my side of it. She is an English major at Oxford, and is a very talented creative writer. This really made my day... :)
The History of the Sista!
I first met Jessie unni at Jillians in Discover Mills. It was a Sunday; the church I attended at that time was big on recreational time (what it called “fellowship”) after church service, and arcade games plus finger food were a hit with the crowd. I was at an air hockey table, busy in the middle of a match, and she was by my side, telling me to move the puck this way and that, and made hand/arm tactical motions. I didn’t know her that well, because she was a newcomer, but I just felt like telling her, “Wow, you know your geometry, don’t ya?” or something smart-alecky like that. I was a finicky sixth grader. She must have been…a freshman in college. Woah.
Other things I remember: her singing; her dog, Angel, rescued at the church parking lot; her cute red car; a heck of a bubbly personality.
It’s hard to believe that there existed a time when she and I were not as close as we are right now. Because I am, to this day, a person who cannot connect easily with people in the first place, I had a really hard time letting people into my personal emotional space. Therefore, even though I didn’t have a problem with her person, per se, I built a barrier with her when the church authorities delegated her as my “small group leader.” She was to be a mentor in whom I was to confide my problems. It was a major problem. I was at an extremely sensitive age, with a hoard of private issues at home, and to be told that I couldn’t talk to my usual mentor/confidante was devastating beyond imagination. I needed time to build trust and familiarity with a person. And as much as I must have hurt her by my civil indifference, I could not bring myself bridge that gap by force.
A few months later, I took a hiatus from church, but for some reason, at the end of middle school, I called Jessie unni out of the blue. Why we do things that do not make sense I do not know, but for me, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Honestly, I would have been pissed at this brat of a girl, putting on this air like she was all that, demanding my time and attention. But Jessie unni drove 40 minutes to come see me. And afterwards, we consistently kept in touch. Outside the confines of the church hierarchy, with no pressure to bond, we began to…bond.
The rest is a blur of everything that was simply, for both of us, life. Hard decisions, harder coping phases, disappointments, pain, and a lot of tears make up the black ink of the palate. However, new friendships, strengthened sisterhood, good food, insight, and humility, too, shine through as sporadic bursts of color. Above all, the picture is abstract, raw, and still incomplete, but in places there are meaning. And that reminder of significance keeps us painting the big picture.
Life Lessons I Learned from Jessie 언니
Let me introduce first, our history: Please read it here before you read the rest of the blog post :D
Every writer has inspirations. Mine are astonishingly numerous and delightfully fickle. However, in strictly human relationships, Jessie unni* has been, is, and will continue to be a huge source of wisdom and artistic stimulation in my life and writing career. She has exemplified the timeless advice that young should learn from their elders. Practical or silly or serious, here are some of the lessons I have learned either from or through Jessie unni. The list is in no particular order, and as you may have guessed, far from finished. They have been lifesavers in my friendships, boy problems, fashion sense, and even baking. I hope they help you in your own way, as well.
1. Be mindful of the angle you take in playing air hockey. In fact, be mindful of the angle you take toward people. Even if you receive negativity, you don’t have to reciprocate likewise. You can be an adult and disregard immaturity.
2. When baking brownies, you don’t have to beat the batter thoroughly. It’s not cake batter. It tastes better with lumps.
3. It’s always worth buying few (okay, VERY few) of quality clothing than to buy more of cheap quality clothes.
4. You don’t have to be middle-aged or old to buy a house for yourself. Just do a lot of research and know what you’re getting into. Aw heck, apply the same principle to your finances, as well.
5. Yeah, it’s nice to have guy friends because men usually tend to be lax, drama-free, and total opposites of hypersensitive women. But if you can find girlfriends who are like that, then it’s gold.
6. Driving a stick costs less gas, and is more fun for people who really enjoy driving.
7. Old-school Mariah Carey is so much better than new Mariah.
8. Art will express for you what words sometimes cannot. Art has a system of its own…within the disorder, you find patterns and reoccurring themes.
9. Love comes and goes as with men who bring it and take it back with them.
10. Jesus equals no inhibitions, just ultimate freedom. Church should not be an institution of intimation, bondage, or control.
11. It takes a while, but you CAN get to a place of reconciliation with your own family, especially your mother.
12. For you college kids out there and beyond: You tend to come back to your passions in your area of study. It’s good to follow your passions. However, note that “good” doesn’t necessarily mean “easy.”
13. It is not in your place to judge what is within the realm of others’ private affairs. Adults are (in most cases) licensed to act according to their own free will, regardless of your morals or opinions.
*unni is a term in Korean for an older female. I especially use it as a term of endearment for her*
